TV Writers

Brian Gongol


Actors get all the credit for great characters, but the writers are the ones who put the words there. These TV writers are worth following and their shows are worth watching:

Writer Online Shows/Episodes Lines
 
Abner, Allison @aabner_abner The West Wing/"The Indians in the Lobby"
 
Aron, Elijah Facebook Better Off Ted/"Change We Can't Believe In"
 
Burditt, Jack @jackburditt 30 Rock/"Rosemary's Baby"
 
Cannon, Kay @kaykaycannon 30 Rock/"Christmas Special"
 
Carlock, Robert 30 Rock/"Episode 210"
 
Cary, Donick Parks and Recreation/"One in 8,000"
 
Cilauro, Santo Utopia-Dreamland/"Very Fast Turnover"
  • Rhonda: Every time we announce a very fast train, 95% of Australians are for it.
    Tony: And the other 5%?
    Rhonda: Pfft! Who are they?
    Tony: [muttering] Engineers, economists, experts in transportation...
    Rhonda: Eh, the lunatic fringe! Real people love it!
Utopia-Dreamland/"Onwards and Upwards"
  • Tony: I'll tell you what they do, and this infuriates me. They design them in some sort of meaningless shape or curve and they call them "iconic" or a "landmark building" but that's just a big excuse to put up a big, great...Rhonda, what are you doing?
    Rhonda: Exactly what you're suggesting!
    Tony: I didn't suggest anything...
    Rhonda: We need to make this a landmark! An iconic structure!
Utopia-Dreamland/"The Whole Enchilada"
  • Natalie: Is anyone here not from media or PR?
    Woman 1: Community liaison.
    Natalie: Anyone involved in actual engineering or construction?
    Woman 2: Oh, I'd like to think we're all involved in getting a project...
    Natalie: [interrupting] Does anyone own a hard hat!?
  • Katie: You wanted the team from Perth.
    Natalie: The construction team! They're all PR and marketing. [sighs] I should have picked it from their iPhone covers.
    Katie: Isn't that good?
    Natalie: Katie, we're not trying to sell a road, we're trying to build one.
    Katie: They said they were running it.
    Natalie: That's a sign of the times.
Utopia-Dreamland/"Starting the Conversation"
  • Natalie: Who are we supposed to be engaging with?
    Rhonda: Our stakeholders!
    Natalie: What does that mean, though?
    Rhonda: What do you think it means?
    Natalie: The federal government who pay 5 billion dollars for a project. I call them a stakeholder.
    Rhonda: Yes.
    Natalie: Construction firms, financial institutions, expert consultants: stakeholders.
    Rhonda: Tick.
    Natalie: Some cranky retiree who suddenly discovered Facebook? I call him a pest.
    Rhonda: We can't afford to ignore anyone.
    Natalie: We can.
    Rhonda: No. We need to inform, engage, consult. What's the other one?
    Hugh: Collaborate?
    Rhonda: Yes. With all of our stakeholders.
    Natalie: In order to build what?
    Rhonda: Engagement! Honestly, when is that going to sink in?
 
Cocker, Boswell Archer/"Pipeline Fever"
 
Copeland, Brad @bradecopeland Arrested Development/"Sword of Destiny"
  • Gob Bluth: "That's what I need you for, Michael. I can't perform my illusion at the Gothic Castle because I've been banned from the Magicians' Alliance. I need you to register as the magician and I'm the lowly assistant. Then we get on the stage and you ram the Sword of Destiny into my belly. What do you think?"
    Michael Bluth: "Really picked up steam there at the end, but I can't. I've gotta teach George Michael how to drive."
  • Tony Wonder: "I want you guys on my next DVD."
    Gob Bluth: "You want us for 'Use Your Illusion'?"
    Tony Wonder: "Actually, some band already has got rights to that title, so I'm thinking, like, 'Use Your Illusion 2'."
  • Tony Wonder: "So, I want you guys to be on 'Use Your Illusion', only now it's 'Allusion', with an 'A'. So, if you guys want to put an allusion in there somewhere, like Poe or something...but don't do Poe, 'cause I'm doing Poe."
    Buster Bluth: "What about Chaucer?"
    Tony Wonder: [angrily] "Just not Poe, OK?"
 
Escajeda, Ingrid @griddlecakes Better Off Ted/"Beating a Dead Workforce"
 
Feldman, Barbara Arrested Development/"Spring Breakout"
 
Fey, Tina 30 Rock/"Christmas Special"
  • Liz Lemon: "Hey you don't know the Postmaster General, do you?"
    Jack Donaghy: "I do, but we had a falling-out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. I mean, if I wanted to lick a hippie, I'd just return Joan Baez's phone calls."
  • Tracy Jordan: "Good, we'll be over at 2. My kids have a peanut allergy, but my dogs only eat steak."
 
Galuska, Kelly @kellygal
LinkedIn
BoJack Horseman/"Hank After Dark"
  • "I got mixed up in some bad stuff, and a genocide may or may not have been perpetrated in my name."
  • "Earlier, some general asked me if it was a 'go' on that thing we talked about. And I said 'Yes.' He said 'God help us all' and left the room. Now I'm not sure that was the right answer."
 
Gleisner, Tom @tomgleisner Utopia-Dreamland/"Very Fast Turnover"
  • Rhonda: Every time we announce a very fast train, 95% of Australians are for it.
    Tony: And the other 5%?
    Rhonda: Pfft! Who are they?
    Tony: [muttering] Engineers, economists, experts in transportation...
    Rhonda: Eh, the lunatic fringe! Real people love it!
Utopia-Dreamland/"Onwards and Upwards"
  • Tony: I'll tell you what they do, and this infuriates me. They design them in some sort of meaningless shape or curve and they call them "iconic" or a "landmark building" but that's just a big excuse to put up a big, great...Rhonda, what are you doing?
    Rhonda: Exactly what you're suggesting!
    Tony: I didn't suggest anything...
    Rhonda: We need to make this a landmark! An iconic structure!
Utopia-Dreamland/"The Whole Enchilada"
  • Natalie: Is anyone here not from media or PR?
    Woman 1: Community liaison.
    Natalie: Anyone involved in actual engineering or construction?
    Woman 2: Oh, I'd like to think we're all involved in getting a project...
    Natalie: [interrupting] Does anyone own a hard hat!?
  • Katie: You wanted the team from Perth.
    Natalie: The construction team! They're all PR and marketing. [sighs] I should have picked it from their iPhone covers.
    Katie: Isn't that good?
    Natalie: Katie, we're not trying to sell a road, we're trying to build one.
    Katie: They said they were running it.
    Natalie: That's a sign of the times.
Utopia-Dreamland/"Starting the Conversation"
  • Natalie: Who are we supposed to be engaging with?
    Rhonda: Our stakeholders!
    Natalie: What does that mean, though?
    Rhonda: What do you think it means?
    Natalie: The federal government who pay 5 billion dollars for a project. I call them a stakeholder.
    Rhonda: Yes.
    Natalie: Construction firms, financial institutions, expert consultants: stakeholders.
    Rhonda: Tick.
    Natalie: Some cranky retiree who suddenly discovered Facebook? I call him a pest.
    Rhonda: We can't afford to ignore anyone.
    Natalie: We can.
    Rhonda: No. We need to inform, engage, consult. What's the other one?
    Hugh: Collaborate?
    Rhonda: Yes. With all of our stakeholders.
    Natalie: In order to build what?
    Rhonda: Engagement! Honestly, when is that going to sink in?
 
Glover, Donald @donaldglover 30 Rock/"Episode 210"
 
Higginbotham, Abraham Arrested Development/"Spring Breakout"
 
Hurwitz, Mitchell @mitchhurwitz Arrested Development/"Top Banana"
Arrested Development/"Missing Kitty"
 
Levenstein, John @johnlevenstein Arrested Development/"Top Banana"
Arrested Development/"Missing Kitty"
 
Lloyd, Stephen Modern Family/"Snow Ball"
 
Mande, Joe JoeMande.com
@joemande
Parks and Recreation/"One in 8,000"
 
Reed, Adam Archer/"Tragical History"
 
Saunders, Tom @tommy_saunders Arrested Development/"Forget Me Now"
  • Commercial voice-over: "Are you a CEO, CFO, or other executive facing these or similar charges?"
    Bob Loblaw: "Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else...noticed? You don't need double-talk. You need Bob Loblaw."
  • Lindsay: "Bob Loblaw is a handsome professional man, and I'm only used to...well, none of those things."
    Tobias: "OK, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over? An analyst and a therapist. The world's first 'analrapist'." [He pronounces it "uh-NALL-ruh-pist"]
    Lindsay: "Yes, and you were almost arrested for those business cards."
    Tobias: "Yes, no, it did not look good on paper, but I didn't stop because of the police inquiries. I stopped to raise our little daughter."
  • George Michael: "Now you've drugged him and had your way with him. How is that even possible?"
    Maeby: "No, George Michael. We didn't do anything. I just wanted him to think we did. Don't you see? I drugged him not to go all the way with him."
    George Michael: "Well, I think even the antidrug people are gonna be OK with that."
    Maeby: "Well, let's get his pants back on."
 
Sethi, Mehar BoJack Horseman/"Yes And"
  • "But improv isn't just about a constant clamoring for attention and validation...it's about community."
 
Sitch, Rob Utopia-Dreamland/"Very Fast Turnover"
  • Rhonda: Every time we announce a very fast train, 95% of Australians are for it.
    Tony: And the other 5%?
    Rhonda: Pfft! Who are they?
    Tony: [muttering] Engineers, economists, experts in transportation...
    Rhonda: Eh, the lunatic fringe! Real people love it!
Utopia-Dreamland/"Onwards and Upwards"
  • Tony: I'll tell you what they do, and this infuriates me. They design them in some sort of meaningless shape or curve and they call them "iconic" or a "landmark building" but that's just a big excuse to put up a big, great...Rhonda, what are you doing?
    Rhonda: Exactly what you're suggesting!
    Tony: I didn't suggest anything...
    Rhonda: We need to make this a landmark! An iconic structure!
Utopia-Dreamland/"The Whole Enchilada"
  • Natalie: Is anyone here not from media or PR?
    Woman 1: Community liaison.
    Natalie: Anyone involved in actual engineering or construction?
    Woman 2: Oh, I'd like to think we're all involved in getting a project...
    Natalie: [interrupting] Does anyone own a hard hat!?
  • Katie: You wanted the team from Perth.
    Natalie: The construction team! They're all PR and marketing. [sighs] I should have picked it from their iPhone covers.
    Katie: Isn't that good?
    Natalie: Katie, we're not trying to sell a road, we're trying to build one.
    Katie: They said they were running it.
    Natalie: That's a sign of the times.
Utopia-Dreamland/"Starting the Conversation"
  • Natalie: Who are we supposed to be engaging with?
    Rhonda: Our stakeholders!
    Natalie: What does that mean, though?
    Rhonda: What do you think it means?
    Natalie: The federal government who pay 5 billion dollars for a project. I call them a stakeholder.
    Rhonda: Yes.
    Natalie: Construction firms, financial institutions, expert consultants: stakeholders.
    Rhonda: Tick.
    Natalie: Some cranky retiree who suddenly discovered Facebook? I call him a pest.
    Rhonda: We can't afford to ignore anyone.
    Natalie: We can.
    Rhonda: No. We need to inform, engage, consult. What's the other one?
    Hugh: Collaborate?
    Rhonda: Yes. With all of our stakeholders.
    Natalie: In order to build what?
    Rhonda: Engagement! Honestly, when is that going to sink in?
 
Sorkin, Aaron The West Wing/"Inauguration, Part 1"
 
Stratton, Christy @christysmann Modern Family/"Snow Ball"
 
Tatham, Chuck @unclechunkies Arrested Development/"Development Arrested"
  • Lucille: "We'll pay them off. We'll call it an accrued cash dividend. But they won't get their money until they sign a document at the party promising not to sell for 10 years."
    Michael: "So it's embezzlement, bribery, and conspiracy."
    Lucille: "And a whole lot of love."
    Michael: "Oh right: And perjury."
 
Teverbaugh, Michael @mtever57 Better Off Ted/"The Impertence of Communicationizing"
 
Vallely, Jim Arrested Development/"Ready, Aim, Marry Me!"
Arrested Development/"Development Arrested"
  • Lucille: "We'll pay them off. We'll call it an accrued cash dividend. But they won't get their money until they sign a document at the party promising not to sell for 10 years."
    Michael: "So it's embezzlement, bribery, and conspiracy."
    Lucille: "And a whole lot of love."
    Michael: "Oh right: And perjury."
 
Weiner, Ron @ronjatwo 30 Rock/"Today You Are a Man"
 
Young, Jordan Better Off Ted/"Change We Can't Believe In"
 
Zuker, Danny @dannyzuker Modern Family/"Leap Day"