Seven Rules for St. Patrick's Day

Brian Gongol

  1. Don't be an amateur drinker. You do not acquire a tolerance you didn't have yesterday just because it's March 17.
  2. Green beer is a sham. Drink Guinness or Smithwick's -- or learn to appreciate whiskey. And be an adult about it.
  3. If you haven't read any Irish literature, you're depriving yourself. Start with "Dubliners" by James Joyce.
  4. Never eat corned beef that hasn't boiled for at least 24 hours. If it's rubbery, it hasn't cooked long enough.
  5. Cabbage should be added to your corned beef no more than one hour before serving. Cabbage only. Nothing else.
  6. It's Paddy, not Patty.
  7. America is a melting pot. Not every freckled redhead is Irish, and many people who don't "look" Irish really are.